I don’t practice what I coach
This week I encouraged multiple clients to be with their hard feelings. “Don't cover over them. The power is in being with what is real and present!”
And I do the exact opposite.
I feel like my coaching qualifications come from being above all the messy stuff. I'm supposed to be "crushing it!" like a good guru does.
Like, "I used to struggle with heavy emotions, lack of motivation and frustration in my business... but now, I'm healed! And for a small fee I can heal you too."
Bleehhhhhhh
Even these Sunday Sermons have slowly become more "wise wisdom from a 75 year old sage" instead of "honest wrestlings of a 33 year old who's being real about where he's at."
I grew up in the church where I may have internalized that when you're a leader, you put on a smile and keep your shit to yourself. Maybe you have a few friends to share the real stuff with (huge shoutout to Sean, Taylor, Katie, Wes, Levi) but you don't show or lead with your brokenness. It's not appropriate. People need a leader that is aspirational, that is the living proof of the good news they are preaching (or coaching).
I hesitate (and cringe) to bring up a line from the Bible (am I trying to spiritualize my vulnerability right now?) but hey, it's where my mind goes for better or worse…
There's a line in the Bible by a jacked up dude named Paul that says, "God's power is made perfect in our weakness."
(If you too are a bit allergic to "God language, I find it helpful to sub out the word "God" for "Reality" or "Life.")
The weakness is where the power is. The honesty, the realness, the vulnerability is what's potent.
My weakness right now is that I'm exhausted. I'm worried that Ashley is even more tired and one of us may snap if we can't get our kids to sleep through the night soon. I'm not going to hit my Q1 revenue goals and I'm frustrated with some of the actions I didn't take the past couple months. I feel like I've been a bad son and brother lately, too wrapped up in my own life and not taking the time to connect with my family.
And yes, I'm proud of so many things in myself and my life right now, but the beauty is often impotent without also feeling the potency of my "weakness" too. I want to fully be with it all.
It seems that some are attracted to the leader who has finally figured it all out and has all their shit together. At this point in my life, I'm most moved by those who lead with their weakness. I'm so grateful to my coaches who coach me with their strengths AND weakness. I want to do the same.
For me, coaching is not about "crushing it in life and business!" but about learning to be fully with what is real. When the goal is to crush it, we often bypass the difficult things that are coming up (until they can't be bypassed anymore). When the goal is to be fully present to what is real, the natural byproduct tends to be that life and business become healthier.
Maybe our qualifications - for whatever it is we're doing - doesn't come from being above the fray but being the most fully in it. Feeling it, healing it, leading with it.
BENEDICTION: May we discover that there is power in our weakness. May our spouses, kids and clients feel our presence and potency because we are so tapped into what is real. And may you feel the vibrancy that comes from leading a connected life.
