I wonder what it feels like…

There's a difference between being angry
and being aware of anger.

There's a difference between being ashamed
and being aware of shame.

The awareness of a feeling without identifying with it.

This is freedom.

No one told me who I really was

What are you wanting to do but struggling to actually follow through on?

Maybe opening that email that you're dreading to read…
Or initiating that conversation that you're afraid to have…
Or just sitting down and creating that thing you've been putting off…

The reason we often resist certain actions is because there is an emotion we are afraid to feel.

I don't want to feel that thing! What if it's overwhelming? What will it mean about me, my identity?

The resistance to take an action is often the resistance to feel an emotion.

And of course, you would resist that emotion if you believed it meant something about who you are. Or if you thought that you would not be able to get out of that emotion.

But neither of those things need to be true.

The spiritual traditions speak about the Witness within each of us - the part of us that is aware of everything but not identified with it. Some traditions called it the True Self, the Observer, the Soul or Christ Consciousness. And they said it is the most real part of us.

The coming and going of emotions are a part of our experience but are not our identity. Like clouds to the sky or waves to the ocean.

Salvation was often talked about as the death of the old identification with the fleeting thoughts and feelings that the ego wants to identify with, and the birth of a new identity as the Witness.

And they said salvation leads to freedom. Because when they no longer felt threatened by the coming and going of feelings, then they were free to feel it all. Nothing was a threat. Because the Witness cannot be threatened by any thought or feeling, just as the sky cannot be threatened by any cloud.

A silly, powerful question

I've been playing with this idea for myself lately by asking myself one stupidly simple question:

I wonder what that feels like?

The past couple of weeks, I've used this question at the Aquarium when my son was having a public meltdown because we needed to move on from looking at one fish for 45 minutes: "I wonder what it feels like to parent my kid through a loud meltdown while strangers watch?"

Or when I had a photoshoot while I had a cold, a strained back, and had been up half the night with our infant: "I wonder what it feels like to play the role of "photographer" while I'm physically drained?"

I've even used it for my goals like my wanting to double my rates: "I wonder what it feels like to tell someone that I charge $8k for that offer?"

This question moves me out of my identification with my feelings. When I need to feel a certain way (or don't want to feel other ways) then I'm constantly assessing everything to see if it's a threat to the way I want to feel. I feel like an addict, chasing the next good feeling or afraid of the potential withdrawal into "negative" feelings.

This question - "I wonder what that feels like?" - shifts me into my Witness. Now I'm not trying to control everything to make me feel certain things. I'm not trying to manipulate life and others to avoid feelings I don't like. I'm now curious - even eager! - to observe and witness what I might feel next.
All of a sudden, it feels like nothing can threaten me. It's almost like a superpower :)

Enjoying traffic jams and networking

I shared this with a coaching client - and I felt kind of embarrassed when I did. This is such a dumb little question…  

She told me later that week she asked herself that question when she was tired, driving in traffic, and running late to a networking event she didn't know if she wanted to be at. "I wonder what it feels like to be with these people while I'm tired and frustrated?"

From ego to Witness.

I found this question has made me more productive, more honest, takes the edge off anxiety, and made me less afraid (just like… in general :)

It’s made me aware of how much of my life has been an attempt to carefully control what I do and don’t feel. And how limiting, stressful, and small that has been.

What are you avoiding? Try asking the Witness question.*

What are you anxious about? Try asking the Witness question.**

What are you pursuing?*** Try asking the Witness question.

(*This question has not been validated by any credible institution and Brandon Hill takes no liability for the lack of efficacy or insane new freedom you may feel by asking it.)

(**I’m not even sure if this is a question… is it just a statement? Forgive my imprecision.)

(**I've found it's really helpful for goals, too, because it shifts me out of needing to reach the goal because of what I think it would change about my identity. Instead, it neutralizes the charge I created around the goal and helps me take action toward the goal with more ease and fluidity - because I don't need it, I'm just excited to see what it feels like, good or bad.)

Your freedom is found in the curiosity and enjoyment of witnessing your feelings. Even the difficult, dense emotions can be met with a welcome embrace that somehow feels almost good. There is power in the ability to be with yourself through it all.

What are you avoiding doing? What's the emotional resistance behind that?

Now, switch into your Witness by asking: "I wonder what that feels like?"