How to (Not) Get to Point B

I'm noticing how much my outlook is shaped by always trying to get from Point A to Point B.

Point A (where I am right now in any given area of my life) can so easily feel like an obstacle that I'm overcoming to get to Point B (where I want to be). Maybe we could call this a Accomplishment Mentality or Progress Culture.

I like this lens sometimes. I'm grateful for so many of the ways I have created, figured out, accomplished things.  Yay for goals!  But if allowed to really saturate my soul/spirit/mindset, I believe something important is lost.  Here's my reflection on what I don't want to lose (while still creating and accomplishing stuff).

Leaving so soon?

First, why am I (can I say "we?") so obsessed with getting to Point B?  Why do I want to move past Point A so quickly? Understanding why there is a desire - even a compulsion - to get to Point B is helpful to see when that drive is healthy and when to challenge it.

The top few reasons I notice I (and others through coaching) get addicted to Progress Culture:

We're shaped by our environment.  And our modern environment is set up to help us (demand us?) to always move away from the present to some better future. Much of our environment is shaped by billions of dollars in research to know how to distract and persuade.  You are always a click, a course, a shopping cart away from escaping this moment into the next.   It can be hard to resist. (My favorite example: There are a dozen blog posts with tips for how to better strain your pasta! There's no limit to what we will try to optimize. There's a point B for everything.) Because we theoretically can optimize, figure out, accomplish anything, it can feel like we should.  All of this changes our relationship to right here and now, to point A.  For many of us, the environment has shaped our brains to make it challenging to slow down and be present.  To really be at point A fully.

It feels good to accomplish things.  You know the feeling - you've planned and enjoyed an amazing vacation.  You've had an idea for a project and had the thrill of pulling it off.  You've had an issue with your marriage and found a book that helped.  You know the rush of creating and accomplishing a goal and it can be tempting to think that you should always be going for that dopamine hit of accomplishment. Goals are good, so more goals are better, right?

We're at war with the present.  Sometimes we’re running away from difficult things like fear, sadness, grief, anger.  Sometimes it's less about getting to Point B and more about trying to escape, avoid, or numb ourselves to what we will have to face if we are present to this moment.

What we lose

I love goals.  I love accomplishing things.  And I'm so grateful for what others have accomplished - thanks for figuring out penicillin and derailleur shifters for my bicycle!

But what do we lose when Progress Culture begins to shape our soul? Here's what I've noticed...

Being present can become more difficult - even though I believe it's our default state.

It can become harder to relax.  Not Netflix-relax, but deep-in-our-cells-relax.

Focus can become challenging. Or our focus is always on the next thing.

Sometimes my wife says I'm in "outer space" and asks me to come back down.  She means I'm physically here but not mentally present.  For me, I'm always in the future, thinking about the potential or possibilities and can miss the present.

It can become difficult to really appreciate where things are at right now.  This version of my kid.  This stage of my business.  This conversation with my mother in law. This feeling in me.

You may notice you're always looking for the solution to everything.  It can be hard not to when literally every solution exists through a search bar.  (Again, there's dozens of blogs on how to better strain pasta.)

It can become easy to believe that the very purpose of life is to make things better, faster, more efficient.  Especially if we never slow down to ask what or where we're try to get to so efficiently.  Is it more accomplishments?  More comfort?  Happiness?  Is happiness over there?

When we become focused on trying to get to Point B, I believe we lose an essential part of our ourselves as humans - namely the Being part of Human Being.

I'm trying to get to Point A

I'm more guilty than most at overly trying to get to the next Point B. It's now a priority for me to practice being at Point A. To be here, fully.

Here's what I'm finding:  the counter balance with A-to-B mentality is not simply taking a pause.  It's not resting so that I can then get back to chasing after Point B.  It's learning to be fully with Point A.  Loving Point A.  Entering fully into it. 

When we are completely present with Point A, it actually transforms.

You've experienced this. It's being so in the moment with your kid (drawing the 89th chalk airplane on the porch) that this moment becomes the Moment.  It's embracing fully where your marriage is at - even if it's in a rough spot - in a way that the marriage seems to transform, shift, feel different because of your full presence.  It's fully embracing this exact stage in your business and finding that it becomes less frustrating and more magical than you previously thought. "These are my clients! This is the next project!"

Jesus and the mystics through the years have spoken about eternal life - not in a sense of time that goes on forever, but a quality of life that's almost outside of time.  Not so much life after death but life before death - which is what we are all craving.  Maybe eternal life isn't about a good feeling/place that lasts forever, but about being fully with the moment - even when the moment is difficult.

Instead of getting to Point B, I want to transform Point A.

Becoming more human

Set goals!  Chase the next milestone!  Accomplish big things!  AND don't lose the ability to be here.  Be with where you are.  To love it.  And in a paradoxical twist, I've found that may be an even more effective way of getting to where you want to go.

As our world speeds up, chasing Point B with more velocity and better tools, check in to see if you can enjoying being with Point A - are you still a Human Being? In a discussion on AI I read this year, when asked if Artificial Intelligence might become human-like, the philosopher answered, "Yes, but only because we are becoming more machine-like." (My paraphrase.)

BENEDICTION: May you set goals and accomplish things without it becoming your only lens for your life. May you become more aware of the ways your environment and emotions can push you aware from the present moment. May you know both how to solve things and how to sit with them. And may you practice being so present to Point A that it transforms into something new, interesting and beautiful.