The Dreaded Alternative

There are patterns we all have that we don't like.

But we continue in that Way of Being because the alternative seems even worse.

For me - I often don't follow up with people about working together, even after they tell me they're interested. I wish I was someone who loved sales and inviting people to talk about what I do, but I don't. Largely because I think that the alternative - reaching out or following up with people - would make them feel uncomfortable. So I don't do it. Even though I don't like that I don't do it.

Or there's an entrepreneur who can't create boundaries in her life. She wishes she could create boundaries, but it almost feels impossible. As we explored why, we discovered she has a friend in her life that is great at setting boundaries, but can do it in an insensitive way. "This is my boundary - deal with it." Being off-putting or insensitive is the last thing this entrepreneur ever wants to be.

She continues to not create boundaries because she doesn't want to be insensitive.

I continue to not follow up on people's interest in working together because I don't want to make them uncomfortable.

We will continue to live in our undesirable patterns as long as we think the alternative is even worse.

The way out is to realize that it't not a binary, A or B situation.

There is an option C. And D and E and F.

I'm discovering that there's a way to follow up with people that doesn't make them uncomfortable. Twice last week people thanked me for reaching back out. Who woulda thought?!

There's a way to create and hold boundaries that isn't insensitive or demanding. It can actually create more intimacy and connection.

As long as we think changing our pattern means becoming something we don't want to be, we will not change.

But when we discover a third way - a more attractive and compelling way - then change is exciting and desirable.