The Joy of the Struggle

Life is challenging.  And thank God it is!

Most of the time, we try to avoid challenging, painful experiences.  From an evolutionary perspective, the drive to avoid pain helps us to survive.

But we need struggle. We actually desire painful experiences.

Think of marathon runners.  Or polar bear plunges.  Or choosing to raise kids.

We often run towards pain, not away from it.

Understanding what pain we should avoid and what kind we should seek out is helpful in creating a meaningful life (and not becoming limited by our fear of struggle). Instead of fearing difficulties, we can actually learn to love the struggle of our work and life.

Meaning requires struggle

Struggle is an essential ingredient in deriving meaning.  The act of doing something difficult, moving through a tough obstacle, is part of the structure of how we make meaning.

How many people would sign up to do a triathlon if it was easy?  How many parents would cry at their kids graduation if raising them was effortless?

Meaning is linked to struggle.  If you reflect on the most meaningful moments or seasons of your life, you'll find that they are all connected with some kind of pain, challenge or difficulty.  It's not in spite of the pain that it was meaningful, but because of it. This is why the protagonist in all of your favorite movies faces seemingly impossible challenges. Without struggle, there is no meaning.

When we get to choose and when there are no words

There is chosen pain and unchosen pain.

Some pain you choose, like an entrepreneur choosing the pain of starting a business.  Other pain, you would never choose, like a loved one getting sick.

Unchosen pain is a part of life.  And it is often what we think of when we hear the Buddha say, "Existence is suffering."  There are helpful tools, professionals and communities that can be incredibly valuable with unchosen pain.  And sometimes there's no words, no meaning, that can touch this kind of pain.

For this sermon, I’m speaking to the chosen challenges we can take upon ourselves.

To create a life of meaning requires choosing to move towards pain that is aligned with who you want to be. And we can benefit from responding to unchosen pain in a way that helps you heal, grow and make sense of the world in a helpful way.

There’s pain either way - so you may as well choose the meaningful path

In my view, there’s no path without pain or difficulties. You aren’t choosing between pain or pain-free. You are choosing between two types of pain: Progressive Pain and Regressive Pain.

Progressive Pain is the kind of struggle that comes from pursuing challenges that are aligned with who you want to be. It’s usually acute and passes quickly as we take aligned action.

We rarely feel a sense of meaning from pursuing comfort, ease and avoiding all painful experiences. This leads to a different kind of pain we can call Regressive Pain. The dull lingering pain of regret, not living up to who you want to be, being ruled by fear.

The beauty of Progressive Pain is that it can produce meaning and even joy!  There is a joy in living aligned with who you want to be, even (and maybe especially) when it's difficult.  There is joy in the burning legs of a marathon runner or the entrepreneur who has been through hell to get their business off the ground.

Often we choose Regressive Pain because we don't want to feel the pain now.  Like paying with a credit card, we can pretend for a while that there is no cost, but at some point we will feel the dull pain of regret.

There is often a war being waged inside of us between embracing the challenge set before us - and all the Progressive Pain that will come with it - or eschewing what we’re being called to now and hoping that the bill for Regressive Pain isn't too costly later.

In my experience, and in the words of my dad, “The pain of discipline weighs ounces. The pain of regret weighs tons.”

A passionate, joyful life

In the Christian Tradition, the "Passion" of Christ comes from the Latin "pati," meaning "to suffer."  "For the joy set before him he endured the cross."

A passionate life, a meaningful life, comes from embracing the struggle.  Choosing aligned challenges.

This is not a call to masochism.  It’s a call to meaning and joy! Pain in and of itself is not good or bad.  When it’s in alignment with who we want to be, it is often pleasurable and meaningful.

What challenges are you choosing? What struggles are you avoiding that you know you want to turn towards?

May you choose aligned struggles that lead to meaning.  May you not avoid the difficulties that stand between where you are and where you want to be.  May you not settle for the dull pain of Regression and step up to the acute pain of Progression.  And may you create a meaningful life by embracing the aligned pain of growth and creation.