Coercion vs Creation
When dealing with other people, we can either Coerce or Create.
Coercion is a game of control. It comes from wanting things to go a certain way. Controlling the outcome, the situation, the person.
Creation is a position of openness, curiosity and trust. It comes from wanting to know what is true and real. Accepting and interested in the person, the situation, and what hidden possibilities lie in this situation.
Coercion can feel like the only option when you are attached to a certain outcome. How else are you to try and get what you want? Or what you need?
My default personality doesn't like outright uses of Coercion. I'm not one who quickly resorts to blame, criticizing or outright force. I have my own tools of Coercion I've honed over the years. More subtle forms of manipulation, like flattery and calculated vulnerability. These are ways I've found I can manipulate people and situations to the outcome I want.
When dealing with a difficult person, it's tempting to use Coercion - tactics like blame, guilting, bribing, manipulating.
Coercion is a form of force. And in relationships, just like in physics, force always creates a counter-force. Defenses go up. Resistance kicks in. Even when we get the immediate result we want, it usually doesn't last long because it was created from an unstable foundation of force.
Creation, on the other hand, doesn't meet the moment with a narrow agenda, with judgement or with fear. It doesn't need a specific outcome, so it doesn't try to overly control. Creation comes from a place of wanting to contribute to and participate in what is happening - not control what is happening.
When your business partner disagrees with how to move forward with a decision, you can use Coercion or Creation.
Coercion asks: how can I control this decision, this person? How can we choose my opinion over theirs?
Creation asks: how can I find out what's really going on here? How can I be curious about what factors, emotions, needs might be at play? What interesting outcome/decision might we arrive at when we truly meet each other with no agenda besides unity and creativity?
Coercion asks: how can I get them to see it my way?
Creation asks: how can we both be transformed by each other?
When we are living in fear of certain outcomes, it's almost impossible to step into Creation. But Creation becomes our default mode of operation when we trust that creating from love, compassion, and curiosity always leads to a better outcome than force and Coercion.
That's the incredible surprise - the unknown path of Creation always turns out to be better than trying to get what we think we want!
May you notice when you want to control situations and listen into the fear that is present in you. May you desire the more beautiful, sustaining act of Creation to the shallow, short-term act of Coercion. May you find joy in giving up your attempts at control. And may you come to trust that the unknown and surprising path of Creation.
