When Alignment Feels Unsafe

Yesterday, I had a day full of phone calls with prospective clients. Just a week ago, I worked hard to get these calls scheduled. Now that the day had come to have them, I wanted to do anything but these calls.

Cancel them.
This is going to be awkward.
You're going to sound salesy.
You're going to push people away.

My system said: This will not feel good! This will be uncomfortable!

Which is true. This was not in my current comfort zone. But I also know that staying in my comfort zone will not get me where I want to go. Instead of evaluating things based on whether they are comfortable, I want to evaluate things based on whether they are aligned. Aligned with who I want to be and where I want to go.

And these phone calls were Aligned. I want to be someone who can connect meaningfully with potential clients.

But even aligned things can trigger alarm bells in our system. Because our system might be screaming, "This is wrong!" When really what’s true is: "This is new!"

Here’s what helped me yesterday in stepping into ALIGNED ACTION that brought up BIG ENERGY in my system:

When I felt the big “scary” energy in me wanting to direct my attention outward - what might go wrong / what others might think of me / what I want to do instead / when will this be over…

I brought my attention back to the question: Can I be with myself through this?

Can I stay present when I want to escape?
Can I notice the urge to dissociate, to perform, to run - and remain with that anyway?

This was so helpful! I’m noticing how often discomfort begins to steer my attention and actions unconsciously. I run away from what triggers me. And I run towards what soothes me. Without even realizing I’m doing it. It’s just automatic. I even rationalize it. But underneath my “rationalizations” is my system being sneaky and wanting to avoid the discomfort.

But simply catching that impulse and bringing my attention to being with myself interrupted that pattern.

I realized I don't actually need a comfortable life. I just want to trust that whatever life asks of me, I won't abandon myself in the middle of it.

That's a skill. And every time we practice it, what once felt dangerous becomes a bit more familiar. The cost on our system decreases. Our capacity expands.

We're teaching ourselves: This feels hard right now. And we're still safe. We can do hard things without leaving ourselves behind.